what your about to read is a rant

YES a totally complete epic rant about my life and I'm doing it because I don't rant much (or at least I think I don't) and right now if I don't get this off my chest I seriously think I'm going to..

1. go insane
2. die
3. go insane and then die
orrrrrrrrrrr
4. just kill myself (although I highly doubt I would really ever have the guts to do that)

Start rant.

now see... I HATE where I live it is polluted, the people are rude as fuck, I face racism every where I go, AND there is so much obsession about looks and weight and all these extremely shallow things that drive me insane!
not to say I haven't met wonderful people here and made some of the best friends of my life that hopefully will be there for a long time to come it's just.... god I had to leave so much behind for this.. all my family.. friends... everything and one I had grown up with and loved and in the five years that I have been stuck here only once have I been able to go back and see a few of those people and that only happened because my mother had left my father and I had to see my grandmother one last time before she died.. and.. and that kills me...

I'm just so tired of all this.

I don't want to be the one who is considered ugly because my skin is darker and i have curly hair and big breast (I mean seriously wtf i can't help it and in all honestly compered to a lot of other other American girls mine are completely normal)

I don't want to be the one that has to tell my friends I can't go out with them because I don't have the money or have to sit there and apologize over and over again to my teachers that I was unable to do my work because my computer broke down and I don't have the money to go to a internet cafe

I don't want to be stuck in this place with an alcoholic mother and a father that was once so sweet but is now turning in to a bitter old man

I don't want to be powerless to do anything in my life simply because I'm not a native to this land... I don't want to keep losing my friends because of stupid fights or because they all have girlfriends or boyfriends and I'm now just the sad lonely 3rd wheel that they feel obliged to bring with them from time to time... agh... I'm just... just... sad.

End rant.